I had a long night at work tonight and came home and went to the gym with my roommates. Lifted some and played basketball. I came home and was pretty worn out and hungry, so I went to the fridge and found this green bean casserole thing.
Of course, this thing happened to be microwavable. First off, the microwave directions were NINE steps. Fuck that. As sad as it is, I HATE things that have overly complicated MICROWAVE directions. Anything that I have to cook for 2 minutes. Then open a corner of the film covering and cook another minute. Then remove the film covering and cook 2 more minutes just really makes me want to go to the farm where these beans were grown, rent a crop duster, and dump gasoline on this microwavable bean guy's sorry plants.
Anyway...This casserole thing made me wonder...What the hell is casserole?! I have NO idea. My mom always made this thing called Hamburger Casserole. It has hamburger meet, noodles, and tomato sauce. Then she made Tuna Casserole. It has tuna, pasta, and some white stuff. Ok, so I thought casseroles had some type of pasta involved in them. Now this bean casserole comes along and just completely ruins something I thought I knew...Basically, my belief now is just anything edible can be a casserole as long as you throw any type of random ass sauce over it.
During all this I also realized how much of a love hate relationship I have with the microwave. Being honest, this machine has kept me alive the past 3 years of my life. Without it, I'd positively cease to exist. But DAMNIT microwave, cook something EVENLY for once in your life! I was eating these green beans for like 5 minutes and it was the perfect temperature, then suddenly, the next bite WHAM, my tongue was set ablaze. Quickly I laid out in my head the best course of action to ease the pain of my on-fire tongue. The solution: eat more green beans!
If I could just find those beans that were the good temperature again, it'd be all better. But no, the beans had turned to consistently giving me the sensation of eating something between molten steel and lava. I thought things were supposed to cool off over time. I've been outwitted and tricked by many animals in the past, but I don't think a vegetable has ever made me look like a fool.
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2 comments:
lol
Oh, poor Timmy. And dork - a casserole is usually several items all mixed together. Grandma makes green bean casserole for Christmas and stuff - with the crunchy onions on top, you know? You can make a casserole of anything.
The stuff about the hot green beans reminded me of Gaffigan. "Is your hot pocket served cold in the middle?" "It's frozen. But it can be served boiling lava hot." lol
I'll come cook for you guys. What do you want?
For too long have our appliances made us look like fools. Whether it's the shrieking of the dishwashwer or the mad rumblings of our broken drier. But none are worse than the oven. Who works with the totinos pizzas to cook that at precisely the right heat to burn the top of my mouth for three days. Our only ally is the george foreman grill...for now...
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